When “I Have to Get It Right” Becomes the Problem: The Anxiety Behind Perfectionism

Written by SoMi Counseling

What Perfectionism Really Is

Do you triple-check your work, agonize over decisions, or feel paralyzed when something doesn’t go exactly as planned? You might not just be a “perfectionist” — you might be anxious. Perfectionism often isn’t about having high standards. It’s about the fear of what happens if we fall short.

At its core, perfectionism is a coping strategy for anxiety. It’s the mind’s attempt to create control, predictability, and safety in a world that feels uncertain or overwhelming. It often sounds like, “If I mess this up, I’ll disappoint everyone,” or “If it’s not perfect, I won’t feel good about it.” For many, the internal pressure becomes constant: to do better, be better, and never let anything slip.

The Hidden Cost of Getting It Right

While perfectionism can drive success, it also comes with a cost. It can lead to procrastination, especially when starting something feels too risky. Many people avoid tasks entirely if there’s a chance they won’t meet their own high standards. It also causes burnout, especially when you’re pushing yourself without rest or flexibility. And because perfection is impossible, it often fuels low self-worth, reinforcing the belief that you’re only as good as your last achievement.

Sometimes, perfectionism even disguises itself as “laziness” when it’s really anxiety-fueled avoidance — a quiet fear of not measuring up.

How to Start Loosening Perfectionism’s Grip

The good news is that you can interrupt this cycle with small, intentional shifts. Try replacing the idea of “perfect” with “progress.” Ask yourself: What would ‘good enough’ look like in this situation? Then practice taking imperfect action. Hit send. Turn in the draft. Show up, even when it feels a little messy.

Pay attention to your self-talk, too. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, it probably doesn’t belong in your own head. Building that kind of awareness helps retrain your brain away from all-or-nothing thinking and toward self-compassion.

At the root of it all, anxiety craves certainty. But growth often requires risk, vulnerability, and a willingness to be seen in process — not just in the polished result.

If you’ve been carrying the weight of impossible expectations, therapy can help. At SoMi Counseling, we help teens, adults, and high performers navigate the perfectionism-anxiety loop and create space for something more sustainable.

→ Schedule a session with SoMi Counseling