The Anxiety We Inherit: How Generational “Toughness” Impacts Men’s Mental Health

Written by SoMi Counseling

Some anxiety isn’t just yours — it’s inherited.

Maybe you grew up in a family where emotions were kept quiet. Where no one really talked about stress, sadness, or fear — they just worked harder, stayed busy, or brushed it off. For many men, this kind of emotional legacy is passed down as a form of “toughness.” But what looks like strength on the surface is often anxiety, just wearing a different mask.

The Generational Blueprint

In many families — especially across cultures that value resilience and grit — boys are taught early on not to cry, not to complain, and not to show weakness. Vulnerability gets replaced with silence. Emotional expression gets filtered through anger or isolation. And over time, this becomes the blueprint: stay strong, stay in control, don’t talk about it.

But that emotional shutdown doesn’t erase anxiety. It just buries it.

This kind of inherited toughness can show up as:

• Avoiding difficult conversations

• Feeling responsible for fixing everything

• Struggling to name or understand your emotions

• Shutting down or lashing out under stress

• Thinking, “I should be able to handle this on my own.”

The Hidden Cost of Staying “Strong”

When you grow up seeing anxiety dismissed or disguised, it’s hard to know what to do with your own. Many men carry that weight silently, believing that asking for help is a weakness — or worse, not even realizing that what they’re feeling is anxiety.

This can lead to chronic stress, strained relationships, burnout, and emotional numbness. You might keep showing up for everyone else, but feel disconnected from yourself in the process.

Breaking the Cycle

You don’t have to parent, lead, or live the way you were taught — especially if it doesn’t feel like it’s working anymore. Breaking generational patterns isn’t about blaming the people who came before you. It’s about recognizing what you’ve internalized — and deciding what you want to pass on.

That starts by allowing yourself to feel. To name what’s going on internally, without shame. To ask for support without needing a crisis to justify it. And if you’re raising boys of your own, it starts by showing them that strength can look like honesty, flexibility, and emotional presence — not just silence and self-sacrifice.

At SoMi Counseling, we work with men, parents, and teens who are ready to rewrite the story around anxiety and masculinity. If you’re carrying stress that was never yours to begin with, we’re here to help you put it down.

→ Book a session here