Why Anxiety Makes You Want to Control Everything

Introduction: Control Isn’t About Power—It’s About Safety

If you’ve ever found yourself micromanaging, overplanning, or needing to know exactly how something will play out—you're not alone. For many people, especially those with anxiety, the urge to control isn’t about being difficult. It’s about trying to feel safe.

Control gives us the illusion of certainty. And when anxiety shows up, our brain scrambles to minimize risk and discomfort. The problem? Life isn’t fully controllable—and clinging too tightly can actually increase our stress.

Why Anxiety Craves Control

• Fear of the unknown: Anxiety thrives in uncertainty. Controlling every detail is a way to protect yourself from imagined worst-case scenarios.

• Perfectionism as a shield: If you do everything "right," you’ll avoid judgment, failure, or disappointment—or so anxiety tells you.

• Need for emotional predictability: Controlling outcomes can feel like a way to avoid emotional overwhelm or relational conflict.

  
  

How It Backfires

Trying to control everything may seem like a protective measure, but it often leads to exhaustion. You may find yourself spending more time preparing than actually living. When things don’t go exactly as planned—or when people don’t behave the way you expect—it can result in even more anxiety and frustration. Ironically, the more we try to control, the more out of control we often feel.

Grounding Strategies That Actually Help

To ease the grip of control, grounding techniques can make a big difference. Practice radical acceptance by letting go of the need for perfect outcomes and focusing on your response—something you can control. Engage your senses to root yourself in the present moment. This might include deep breathing, touching textured objects, or tuning into ambient sounds. Finally, aim for flexible structure: planning is helpful, but it’s even more powerful when paired with the ability to adapt. Flexibility builds resilience and reduces anxiety. Planning is fine—just leave space for change. Flexibility builds resilience.

Final Thoughts

The goal isn’t to get rid of anxiety—or control everything. It’s to notice when the need for control is actually fear in disguise, and to meet that fear with grounding, compassion, and tools that help you feel safer in your own skin.

Feeling stuck in overthinking or control mode? Let’s talk about it. Book a session here.

References:

• Harris, R. (2008). The Happiness Trap. Trumpeter.

• Leahy, R. L. (2006). The Worry Cure: Seven Steps to Stop Worry from Stopping You. Harmony.

• Psychology Today. (2023). Control and Anxiety: What's the Link?