Feel It to Heal It: Helping Kids (and Adults) Name Big Emotions

Feel It to Heal It: Helping Kids (and Adults) Name Big Emotions

We can’t regulate what we can’t name. One of the foundational skills in emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and label what we’re feeling. While this may sound simple, it’s often the hardest part — especially for kids who are still developing the language to understand their inner world. And let’s be honest: many adults are still figuring it out, too. This is actually something that can be taught/learned in counseling. 

Why Naming Emotions Matters

When a child (or adult) can say, “I feel disappointed,” instead of just shutting down, or “I feel anxious,” instead of acting irritable or distant, something powerful happens. We create space between the emotion and the reaction — and that space is where regulation, insight, and growth begin. Studies show that simply labeling an emotion can reduce its intensity, lower stress levels, and help us make more thoughtful choices.

The Problem with “Good” and “Bad” Feelings

Kids are often taught to view emotions in black and white: happiness and calm are “good,” while sadness, frustration, or fear are “bad.” But emotions aren’t moral — they’re messengers. Teaching kids (and ourselves) to recognize the full spectrum of feelings builds resilience, confidence, and healthier relationships.

So, how do we teach this?

Start small. Model naming your own emotions throughout the day:

• “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now — I’m going to take a minute to breathe.”

• “That made me feel proud. Did you feel proud too?”

Use visual tools like feeling charts or “emotions wheels,” especially with younger kids. Create a shared language around emotions at home or in the classroom. And most importantly, make it safe to talk about what’s really going on beneath the surface.

Final Thought

Emotional intelligence isn’t just about managing behavior — it’s about understanding ourselves and others in a deeper way. The first step? Naming what we feel, so we can start to heal.

→ Schedule a session with SoMi Counseling I Services I Meet Our Team