Bullying – The Unconscious Victim

Do you approve of bullying? Many people are surprised that such a question is even asked. Everyone who is asked this question, without hesitation, answers with some variation of “No!” Most respond quickly because there is no doubt in their mind that bullying is something horrible. Many schools have firmly adopted a “No Bullying” environment in which posters are displayed, showing their stance against bullying and offering help to victims.

Bullying others is indeed a terrible thing, as it usually affects the victim in a negative way—both emotionally and physically. Bullying may lead to lowered self-esteem and self-worth for the victim, as well as create symptoms of depression and anxiety. If the psychological damage is severe, it may lead the victim to thoughts of death, self-harm, or even worse, suicidal ideation. Bullying is a repeated action intended to make others feel inferior.

3 Types of Bullying

Bullying can be verbal, physical, or psychological. Verbal bullying is the most common, mostly because it’s the easiest and fastest form to use against others. A bully can name-call, use curse words, and ridicule their victims. Verbal bullying is almost effortless because it only requires words—something even the youngest of minds can learn as soon as they begin to talk.

Physical bullying requires more effort, but it’s the oldest form of bullying. It can occur even before someone is able to speak. While it demands more action, it doesn’t require much thought. Physical bullying can range from basic harm to more dangerous or life-threatening attacks.

If verbal bullying is the most basic, psychological bullying is the most advanced. Psychological bullying requires intent, planning, and manipulation—and because of that, it can have the most detrimental effects on a victim.

The Other Victim

The world is aware of the damaging effects of bullying others. No one in their right mind would say that bullying others is acceptable under any circumstance. Yet while we are aware of bullying others, few recognize the reality of bullying oneself. At any given moment—whether due to our mistakes or a desire to punish ourselves—we may engage in self-bullying. Despite our awareness of how harmful bullying is, we often still direct that harm inward.

Self-bullying mirrors the way people bully others.

Verbally, we may call ourselves names, use curse words, or ridicule ourselves. Physically, we may engage in self-harm, whether by striking ourselves, cutting, or through indirect behaviors like neglecting to eat, maintain hygiene, or meet other basic needs. Psychologically, we may manipulate our thoughts, reinforce lies, and create a sense of hopelessness and helplessness. We might devalue ourselves or believe we are less human and undeserving of anything positive in life.

Which is Worse?

A debate could be held over whether bullying others or bullying oneself is worse. Although nearly identical in nature, they differ in continuity. If someone is bullied at school or work, the bullying often stops once they leave that setting. Even in cases of cyberbullying, the victim can choose to disconnect from social media or messaging apps.

But self-bullying is constant and inescapable. We are always with ourselves. Engaging in self-bullying means we are both the bully and the victim. It can become second nature, a deeply ingrained behavior. Over time, our brains may become so practiced at self-bullying that it happens automatically—even unconsciously. Imagine bullying yourself without even realizing it. Imagine your brain sending subliminal messages of self-bullying that you aren’t aware of, but that continue to fuel depression and self-loathing.

Conclusion and Working Solutions

No one in their right mind would say bullying is good. Whether verbal, physical, or psychological, bullying creates problems for the victim that can lead to serious consequences, including suicidal thoughts or actions.

If bullying others is wrong, then bullying ourselves is also wrong. In fact, it may be even more dangerous due to its constant, unrelenting nature. The good news is that we can work to stop self-bullying the same way we work to stop bullying in others.

We can educate ourselves, practice positive self-talk to improve self-esteem and self-worth, challenge negative thoughts, talk openly with others, show ourselves empathy, and most importantly—practice being our own best friend. Ready to take the next step? Book a session here.